“I will remind myself that the only vital thing is to apply what I have learned—to make it work for me in all the happenings of my daily life.” (ODAT, 27 October)
Al-Anon for me is chiefly about the content of the programme.
When I’m in a healthy condition, the people are fine and come and go.
But there’s no pathological attachment (whether positive or negative).
The unhealthy attachment:
Sometimes one hears a tape and then hunts for every recording of that person.
Sometimes one hears someone at a meeting and immediately asks them for sponsorship.
Sometimes one buys a box set but then never watches past the first episode.
Sometimes one watches an episode and wants the plot to change.
Sometimes one asks for sponsorship and then tries to stipulate how it’s going to work.
The problem: the desire to acquire and control the source even though the product is freely available.
In such a situation, the product is the pretext, not the purpose.
The underlying problem: one doesn’t even want the product; the aim is supremacy.
The aim is to defeat that which appears to be in authority.
The real beef is with God: Who is in control? Him or me?
Sponsorship becomes the proxy battleground.
To attempt to devour; when the object of the devouring refuses to be devoured, the object becomes the enemy.
This dynamic I learned about in sponsorship, and then I saw it playing out in other relationships too, both with individuals and institutions.