“The entire family is, to some extent, ill.” (Page 122)
When conflict happens, it is sometimes the purpose of the
relationship.
The ‘upside’ of the relationship is then really the alibi.
What’s the purpose of the conflict?
When I’m in conflict, ‘it’ is your fault. That means that
‘it’ is not my fault. The point of the conflict is to shift the fault for the
‘it’ from me to you. And you’re shifting the fault for your own ‘it’ to me.
Back and forth. To and fro. Exploding pass the parcel, accumulating weight on
each passage. Important to have the last word: the parcel blows up in the lap
of the speechless.
When I stopped drinking, I had to give up alcohol, not
beverages.
When I stopped people-dependence, I had to give up conflict,
not relationships.
Can you heal a relationship?
The relationship is neither ill or well. Since it cannot be
ill, it cannot be healed.
It is the participants who are ill, and the participants can
be healed.
Working on the relationship is working on the wrong thing.
I work on me by recognising I can do nothing about me.
My job is to catalogue and confess my folly.
Then: redirect my reliance to God and take direction.
My reliance was on people: getting; and giving to get.
‘I love you’ was my invitation to the waltz on the
dancefloor covered in mantraps.
When I don’t need anyone or anything except God, I’ll
attract someone who doesn’t need anyone or anything except God, and we can be
in heaven’s picnic together, with God.
“If you want it, you can’t have it. If you don’t need it, God will give it to you on a plate, and you can keep it as long as you don’t need it, as long as you remember you need Him not it.” (Cahuenga B)