“Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God’s ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn’t it?” (Page 49)
People tried to explain things to me, and I argued.
I ‘disagreed’.
We were both wasting our time.
I came into AA with the wrong mindset.
This included a thousand false premises.
Someone would present a new idea.
To understand it, I would have to undo the premises.
But these cannot be undone individually.
You pick at one, and you find it’s glued to the rest.
Like cold, congealed spaghetti:
The strands cannot be separated.
I was holding onto all my premises.
I was doing this by holding on to even one.
No one could tell me anything.
If I was right, why was I so unhappy?
A solution involves changing everything I think.
If I was right (at all): no solution existed.
If I was right (at all), why bother looking for a solution at all?
The choice was alcoholic death, ending it, or surrender.
I chose surrender.
Surrender is a choice.
What is surrender?
Saying:
“I cannot solve my problem.”
“Everything I think must be wrong.”
“I want a solution.”
“Show me.”
Starting with nothing and building up from there.