“Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.” (Chapter Five, Big Book)
The Big Book goes on to set out seven areas of self: security, pocketbooks, ambitions, personal and sex relations, pride, and self-esteem. Since I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to God in Step Three, I’m turning these over to God, too.
Step Four looks at how my attempt to run these areas causes havoc. I plot and plan, and other people fail to cooperate with my plots and plans; as a result, I feel resentful. I realise my plots and plans might not come off; as a result, I feel frightened. I behave selfishly; as a result, I feel guilty. I am dishonest, and this produces more fear and guilt. What a mess! This needs to change!
To change, I need to know what to change, what’s right and wrong, what works and what doesn’t. That’s what Step Four shows me.
It also gives me the basis for confession (Five), reinforced willingness (Six), commitment to change (Seven), and relationship repair (Eight and Nine). In Ten through Twelve, I live on a new basis: the basis of trusting and relying upon God. I’m just God’s servant, here to act on the line, “Thy Will Be Done!”
How do the seven areas of self get turned around with the Steps?
Security and pocketbooks: My health, accommodation, supplies, occupation, and finances. These are none of my business!
Does that mean I sit there like a blancmange, waiting for God to supply me? No! “You gotta take action to activate your faith. God ain’t gonna slide no hotdog under your door.” I take action under God’s direction, and keep my head down, focusing on the task at hand, praying constantly. God’s never let me down, in 31 years of sobriety
Does that mean I can be careless or reckless with these areas? Absolutely not. God will do for me what I cannot do for myself so I must do what I can do, under his direction. Prudence, forethought, industry, frugality, knowledge, awareness, and good records are my duties in these areas. My business is to be a good ‘paterfamilias’ of these areas, but without fretting over them.
Ambitions: These are the little plans and designs of self. What I want is now irrelevant. A life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Pursuing and achieving ambitions do not bring happiness and satisfaction. They’re a mug’s game. Doing God’s will is the only thing that consistently brings happiness and satisfaction.
Personal relations and sex relations: If I adjust my attitudes and actions, my relationships take care of themselves. What others belief, think, say, or do is none of my business. My job is wishing others well (benevolence) and acting well towards others (beneficence). Basic mottos in the home: no complaint; no criticism; no negativity; serve; yield; be bright and cheerful.
Pride: If I act well, my reputation takes care of itself. What others think of me is also none of my business.
Self-esteem: The Big Book tells me on page 28 I’m a child of God. Any parent knows their child is of infinite value. That means I’m of infinite value (and so are you). If I think otherwise, I’m simply wrong. Who am I to contradict God? When I have low self-esteem, I’m wrong. As with everything, trust in God’s infinite love.