“He is seldom mildly intoxicated.” (Chapter Two, Big Book)
“He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around.” (Chapter Two, Big Book)
“In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed.” (Chapter Three, Big Book)
“We have indulged in spiritual intoxication.” (Chapter Nine, Big Book)
The book has three uses of the word ‘toxic’: three are to do with alcohol; one is to do with spirituality.
The programme, spirituality, and religion I’ve used to change the way I feel, to get high.
The real purpose of the programme is not to feel different but to help me establish a relationship with God, so I can live that out. This is because it is the right thing to do. As a by-product of that, I’m saved from drinking and given a more satisfactory, satisfying purpose. Satisfaction is not so much a feeling but a determination made by assessment: looking at one’s life sober, it is hopefully more satisfactory than a life of drinking, and that has do to with the fulfilment of purpose and potential, not one’s subjective enjoyment of it.
Although I do feel better, that’s not the point.
Turning to another topic prompted by the word ‘toxic’: I’ve been in relationships I described as ‘toxic’, and I’ve unfortunately referred to others as ‘toxic’. It’s a common enough shorthand, these days.
On referring to relationships as toxic: this a relationship I’m getting something out of I should not be getting at all or should not be getting from another person, and so putting up with things I should not be putting up with whilst doling out things I should not be doling out. As soon as I stop playing ball, the ballgame is over. It is not the relationship that is the problem, and it is not the other person that is the problem: I’m the problem. There’s no unqualified victim, because, even when I was at my most passive, I was actively remaining in the situation. There was as much of a payoff for me as for the other person. Whatever situation I find myself in is, at the level of my consciousness, the best of all possible worlds, or I would have done something to change it.
On referring to people as toxic: this is best avoided. I’m one to talk, first off. But that’s not the point: I’ve learned to distinguish people and behaviour. The book says we’re all children of a living creator, so I presume we are. That means we’re good. Other people’s behaviour might be immoral, might breach etiquette or custom, might be strategically unwise, or might not be to my personal taste, but that’s between them and God. The same applies to me.