“Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else.” (Chapter Seven, Big Book)
I heard someone say they were looking for a sponsor. There are no sponsors. Sponsors do not exist. Such a person is looking for something that does not exist. If such a person finds someone that thinks they are a sponsor, both they and the person are in a little bit of trouble. Of course, I’m being a little facetious. I know what people mean, and I’ve used this language. But the thing I should be after, when looking for a sponsor, is really sponsorship. I should be looking for sponsorship. It’s the content of the relationship, not the person of the sponsor that counts.
There are AA members who transfer their time to explain the AA programme, offer input on how to stay sober and apply the AA programme in one’s life, and provide a certain amount of support and encouragement. This time is diverted from their occupation, home life, interests, and etc. This is sponsorship. It’s given for fun and for free; the sponsor is the giver of a gift, not a service-provider; the sponsee is the recipient of a gift, not a service user; there is no entitlement; there is no transaction.
As a sponsee:
- I seek to be maximally diligent in preparing for my interactions with my sponsor
- I respect the fact that the time is diverted from the sponsor’s other activities so I make the time count
- As when receiving a Christmas gift, when I get something different from what I wanted, or more than I bargained for, I am gracious about it: no pointed silences, huffing, sighing, pushback
- For every hour I receive from a sponsor, I give many hours onwards to others.