“I will not let myself concentrate on the distressing features of my present existence, but will look for the good things in it.” (ODAT, 28 April)
When I ask myself how I am, it is best to start with all of the good things. These are obvious blessings.
Then, with the ‘bad things’, I recategorise them as good things, which is what they really are. These are concealed blessings.
I start like this, “this ____ is an excellent opportunity for learning how to handle _____ and trusting God even more implicitly.”
Then, when it comes to talking to others, all I have to share is blessings. The obvious blessings and the concealed blessings.
What is absolutely vital is never to complain or point the finger. I’m getting better and quicker at stopping that. I can, of course, discuss the external situation with my ‘clinical hat’ on, but that’s a different matter: it must be with personal detachment, recognising I’m the observer not the object of the behaviour.
If I feel personally affected by anything going on outside myself, I’m wrong.
In Al-Anon I keep company only with those with this mindset. This is what mental sobriety is. It is rare and hard to find such people.
I’ve also learned I cannot have a fruitful conversation with anyone who thinks they are affected by something outside of themselves. All I can do is state my position: that I’m affected only by me, and wait to see if anyone who is interested in adopting this position asks. I cannot convert anyone to this view. The investment in victimhood is as deep as active alcoholism.