Here are some principles I have learned to apply to the meeting after the meeting (‘fellowship’):
- Order something chargeable, even if it’s just a coke or a bowl of steamed rice. If necessary, skimp elsewhere to make this possible. It’s polite to the venue, and not ordering affects the group’s relationship with the venue. It’s also polite to the people around me. If I’m eating elsewhere later, have a few bites then take the rest away in a Tupperware container. Bring one along for this purpose. The point is sharing a meal, and the eating is as symbolic as it is gastronomic or nutritional.
- Don’t be fussy about who I sit next to. We’re all equal, and everyone is good enough.
- Don’t dither about sitting down: others can see you’re calculating, and it’s embarrassing for everyone.
- Don’t start a new table if there is a seat at an existing table.
- Don’t leave a gap at the table: sit closed up to the next person, even if your heart sinks. Make the most of it.
- This is a time to talk equally to whoever was at the meeting, not catch up with special friends.
- Don’t give any one person more attention than anyone else.
- But make an effort to make sure new people or visitors are especially welcomed and included.
- Don’t talk about politics, current affairs, or anything controversial or unpleasant.
- Some chit chat is fine but we’re there to talk about recovery, not television, travel, or shopping. Particular, private topics are not suitable for protracted conversation. It defeats the purpose and leaves the people adjacent or opposite out in the cold. They did everything right.
- No protracted one-to-one conversations, for the same reason. If I want to get to know a particular person, I make an arrangement with them. If I want to have an in-depth talk to my sponsor or sponsee, ditto. Such conversations are worse than empty seats, firstly because no one else can sit there and secondly because they take up acoustic space.
- Make sure any conversation I have is open to surrounding people joining in and help them join in; get them up to speed if they shift attention and actively bring them in by asking a question or asking what they think about something.
- Look out for who is not being spoken to or otherwise included and include them.
- Don’t hog anyone.
- Don’t ignore anyone.
- “Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it.”