“A grim and furious silence can be more crushing and wounding than harsh words.” (ODAT, 25 March 2025)
“I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.” (Just For Today)
The real non-reactivity is the neutral midway between overtly reacting and withdrawing.
What I’ve learned to do (when I’m in my right mind) in the
face of difficult behaviours or words is to ‘act like nothing happened’ in the
sense of continuing to be present, communicative, courteous, constructive, and
pragmatic despite what is taking place before me. I observe but don’t react.
Reacting blocks observation. To observe, I have to not react. If there is a
practical way forward in the conversation, I take the practical route. I do not
leak emotion while I’m doing it. If there is no practical purpose in
substantive engagement, I can resort to the one-word answers, which, if
delivered with the right tone, stop short of enabling but keep me in human
communication with the other person: yes, no, really?, gosh!, aha, wow, ah,
aah. Neither committing nor rejecting. This avoids adding fuel to the fire and
buys a lot of time.