“He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)
My self-will can express itself in the form of being bullish or overbearing. It can also come in the form of ingratiation.
There’s a fine line between courtesy and flattery. Sticking to a courteous ‘thank you’ usually suffices. A thumb-up usually suffices. When I find myself praising without occasion, I ask myself why. Invariably, I want something from the other person or I’m attempting to stage-manage their emotions. I agree when I agree but not merely to short-circuit my own thought process, to sidestep genuine examination and discussion, or to secure someone’s favour or attention. I don’t promise unless a commitment is required; I don’t signal my intentions in order to receive a down-payment on the credit I think will follow my performance. I don’t justify, explain, or defend to redeem my image when I’ve tarnished it. In short, when I’m awake, I have a greater chance of spotting the manipulative intent, saying less, and saying it more simply.