“We are being good to ourselves when we refuse to be disturbed by anything the alcoholic says or does.” (ODAT, 30 March)
Easier said than done. What is his behaviour affecting?
(1) My practical circumstances (safety, finances, domestic arrangements): Generally speaking, an adult alcoholic can affect such circumstances only with my permission. I have learned I can part ways with the alcoholic, active or not. If I do not, I am accepting this impact, and the responsibility then shifts to me. There is no one to blame.
(2) My internal condition:
If the alcoholic verbally attacks me, I scan my behaviour. Did I do something wrong, morally or tactically? If so, I can correct. Anything else is not my responsibility so not my concern.
If I am frightened, I have not accepted alcoholism and its consequences and/or I have not shifted my reliance to God and the realm of the spiritual, where the alcoholic and the alcoholism cannot reach.
If I am angry, I can correct that with neutrality and compassion.