When I'm in active Al-Anonism, I'm asleep, on auto-pilot.
Keen to solve every problem, especially any problem that is not mine to solve.
Keen to manage others' perceptions of me.
It's like I'm drunk: there's no talking to me about anything.
Just like the drunk, I'm full of words.
I launch in, elbowing everyone else out of the way, and attempt to fix the situation, even though I have no idea what I'm doing.
I have no ability to pay attention to reality because I am so full of myself and my perceptions of reality.
I have no idea what is even going on out there.
I just know it's up to me to fix it.
I then get my help all over people.
The situation goes south, but it's not my fault, I protest.
It's someone else or something else that is to blame.
I go into full-on JEDI mode (justification, explanation, defence, and expressing intentions).
This is because I want everyone to think I'm capable and reliable: I want to be needed.
Heaven forbid others should think ill of me!
Heaven forbid I should be out of the running!
When something goes wrong, I now know I need to have a GLHT (good long hard think).
And pause long enough to become self-aware.