When one is sick of self, one can say almost grumpily, to God:
"I'm done. Have it Your way. Have everything Your way. I'm going to resign from the debating society. I renounce all views, all 'pinions, all speculations, all assessments. Just show me what to do. Next. Next. Next. That's it."
When I'm at my most desperate, I'm at my closest to God.