“If he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself. God has either removed your husband’s liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands.” (Chapter 9, Big Book)
Imagine drawing something on a piece of paper over a few years.
The object is complex and takes years to draw.
Now imagine screwing up the paper, throwing it in the fire, and starting again.
The object has to be drawn from scratch.
Each line takes the time it takes to draw.
There are no shortcuts.
When I was relapsing, I was back at square one each time.
I did not pick up recovery where I left off.
Whatever had been learned was retained but presently inaccessible.
I had to build up from nothing.
When I relapse into old behaviours then emerge, remorseful, I am back at square one.
I have to build up from nothing.
Absolute devastation, absolute humility.
Then, God can help.
But He can only help me if I recognise where I am.
God’s direction is incompatible with leaning on my own understanding.
It was my own understanding that got me into trouble in the first place.