“Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done” (Chapter 5, Big Book)
When I’m upset at someone else’s behaviour, there are three remedies:
(1) I recognise that they have done nothing wrong: I am merely being selfish, entitled, and imperious
(2) I recognise they have done something wrong but they can be excused on grounds of tiredness, naivety, illness, etc.
(3) I recognise they have done something inexcusable but forgive: withdraw condemnation and extend love
It is important not to apply the wrong remedy to the situation, to avoid the extremities of being a boob or a prig.