“When it will serve any good purpose” (Chapter 6, Big Book)
When I’m about to speak, or send a message, I find it helpful to ask, ‘Why am I about to speak or write? Is the purpose legitimate? Is the purpose good?’
Sometimes the purpose is not good, and I’m up to one of the following.
- Justification
- Defence
- Explanation
- The expression of intention
- Bragging
- Recruiting someone into a resentment
- Indiscretion
- Complaint
- Seeking sympathy
- Seeking attention
- Currying favour
- Pressurising
- Manipulation
It’s best then to resist the temptation.
One cannot go through one’s life second-guessing everything, but I find it helpful sometimes, maybe for a day or so, to practise checking motives before saying anything. It’s amazing how many potential conversational starters or contributions get deleted before making their way out.