I went through a phase of tracking my current state of mind, thinking, reactions, actions to childhood events.
I did X because of Y.
Y was always something someone else had done. They were therefore responsible for the X.
I saw myself as merely the product of past experiences (drama, trauma, abandonment, etc.): I became the passive observer of the pre-programmed mechanism.
The more I looked at the causes, the more powerless I felt over my current condition. I got worse and worse, to the point I could no longer have any contact with people in my family, because it was too 'triggering'.
I was presented a novel idea: Let's not blame.
This meant deleting from my thinking and consciousness any attribution of cause or blame for any aspect of my life to others, present, past, or future.
My job was therefore to look at what was currently going on in my mind (and, in extension of that, my life) and fix it, guided by the programme and powered by God.
New beliefs could be adopted by practising them, e.g. God is powerful enough to enable me to be useful, cheerful, and kind whatever my present circumstances.
New thinking could be adopted by practising it: I was resentful not because of what happened thirty years ago but because I was practising resentment this minute, and I could instead practise gratitude and cheerfulness.
New behaviour could be adopted by practising it: I could find ways of being with people in my family, accepting them entirely as they are, without judgement, and without memory: what was here was real; what was past was gone.
I realised that my childhood was no longer there. As soon as it was over, it became a dream. What was real was the right now, and the right now was down to me.