Things I'm not (when it comes to another alcoholic)

• An alarm clock
• A taxi
• An ambulance
• A doctor
• A psychiatrist
• A therapist
• An analyst
• A nutritionist
• A launderess of uncommonly soiled things
• A cleaner-up of sick or worse
• A mopper of blood or brows
• An answerer of nocturnal phone calls
• An answerer of nocturnal door knocks
• A housing service
• An employment agency
• A problem-solver
• A trouble-shooter
• An untangler of knots
• A fixer of broken things
• An ointment
• A balm
• A sticking plaster
• A soothsayer
• An oracle
• A judge
• A moral arbiter
• An elf on the shelf
• A conscience
• A life coach
• A motivational coach
• A power source
• An apologist
• A citizens’ advice bureau
• A search engine
• A bank
• A parent (to anyone other than a child)
• A confessor
• The Captain of Knowing Things
• The Higher Power