First 164

In 1993, I wrote my first Fourth Step inventory. I was instructed to use the Big Book as the guide. I had a wonderful experience, and it changed my life. I remained confused, however, about the purpose of the third column of the resentment inventory. In this column, according to the Big Book, we are encouraged to write which area of 'self' is affected by a resentment. There are seven: pride, self-esteem, personal and sex relations, ambitions, security, and pocketbooks (= money). The Big Book then remains silent on the significance of the results—in other words what to 'do' with this information. The Fourth Step inventory is certainly effective, even without further work on this third column, as the suggestions on forgiveness on page 67 will be largely effective in removing most resentments, at least for the time being. I remained stuck, however, in double-digit sobriety, with resentments I could not get rid of and resentments that kept cropping up in diffe...

The evil and corroding thread

Fear. "This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It is an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble." (P. 67:2, 'Alcoholics Anonymous') Someone said to me yesterday: "whatever you reside in will manifest. If you reside in God, God will manifest; if you reside in fear, fear will manifest." Fear fear itself. There is a Jewish proverb, "to worry is a sin; the only permissible worry is that one worries." "Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?" (P. 76:1) To arrive at the conclusion that fear is objectionable (which is the prerequisite for asking for its removal with sufficient e...

How to get out of hell

What is hell? Hell is one's own mind when it's under the control of the ego. Here's an actual picture of the inside of my brain before recovery: How can you tell it's under the control of the ego? Desire, excitement, tension, fear, anxiety, grievance, resentment, guilt, shame, etc. None of what follows is novel or new, and I've written about these matters many times before, but it does no harm to periodically update the list and ensure it is furnished with my latest experiences and tips. What is set out below is basically everything I have tried that has worked plus a few things that really do not help. Have a good daily programme Pages 84 to 88 of the Big Book cover comprehensively how to structure and manage the day, from the moment one gets up in the morning until one goes to sleep at night. I will not rehash those four pages here, save to say the content falls under the headings of Steps Ten and Eleven, which can be read about comprehensively here and here . P...

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