Fire-starters don't always brandish their matches and kerosene overtly.
Attack or conflict is often initiated with apparently innocent contributions whose purpose is actually to start a fire. Some common examples:
- I'm confused ...
- I don't understand ...
- I'm surprised ...
- This is very complicated ...
There are many others! Obviously not all such statements have a covert purpose, but, in the world of recovery (especially group situations and sponsor–sponsee relationships), they often do.
I try and watch out for where my apparently innocent contribution is actually intended to criticise, punish, control, or regulate.