To not relapse and not act out I have to not take the first drink and not take the first action of acting out.
This is very painful. The impulse arises in my mind, I say 'no', and I suffer pain. It's immensely distracting, too. It's like a dog that keeps barking to be fed.
What to do:
- Make the decision that I am not going to take the first drink (etc.)
- Do something other than take the first drink.
- Whenever the impulse recurs, refocus on the task at hand.
- Whenever the mind wants to think about the impulse etc., refocus on the task at hand.
- Surrender each moment to God.
- Pray for strength to withstand the onslaught.
- Know that it will be given.
- Refocus on the task at hand.
Eventually, the impulses abate. This is extremely painful. But they do abate.
This appears to contradict Step One: we are supposed to be powerless over alcohol. There is no contradiction in reality.
Firstly, once Step Three has been taken, we have renounced the right to do what we want to do. If we still do what we want to do, we have not actually taken Step Three.
Secondly, we can do something right now which would be impossible if we had to do it for a lifetime. Because we have taken Step Three, recovery and relief are on their way, through the practice of the remaining Steps, which is why we can trust that the pain will abate and the impulses will abate.
Were it not for the surrender plus the hope and trust that the pain is temporary, relapse would be inevitable.
Once we have been given access to power, we are no longer powerless. The choice to access that power is ours. God will not stop me from drinking. I have to make the decision and take the initiative not to drink now. But God will enable me to withstand the pain of not drinking.
If relapsing or acting out is continuing, either I am not sold on the idea of abstinence forever OR I am not willing to suffer, physically, mentally, and emotionally, through the withdrawal period and/or through subsequent flare-ups of temptation.
This has been my experience with all other process addictions, and not just with alcohol.