Chapter 9 (continued)
How to handle problems
Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
Be patient about getting well
Now about health: A body badly burned by alcohol does not often recover overnight nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling. We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative.
Doctors for physiological, psychologists for psychological problems
But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons.
Leave people alone
There was no doubt he over-indulged. Seeing this, and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop. His wife is one of those persons who really feels there is something rather sinful about these commodities, so she nagged, and her intolerance finally threw him into a fit of anger. He got drunk.
Of course our friend was wrong—dead wrong. He had to painfully admit that and mend his spiritual fences. Though he is now a most effective member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he still smokes and drinks coffee, but neither his wife nor anyone else stands in judgment. She sees she was wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured.
The three mottos
First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It.
Chapter 10
All quotations are from Chapter 10. You'll have to find the page numbers yourself, but the sections are arranged in the order that the first element of each section appears in the chapter. Some sections collate quotations on a topic from throughout the chapter.
The simplicity of the programme
Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us. He is undoubtedly on the road to recovery.
Don’t be a mug
This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn’t so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness.
Dropping the uninterested or unwilling
If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs. I know, in my own particular case, that nothing my company could have done would have stopped me for, so long as I was able to hold my position, I could not possibly realize how serious my situation was. Had they fired me first, and had they then taken steps to see that I was presented with the solution contained in this book, I might have returned to them six months later, a well man.
Either you are dealing with a man who can and will get well or you are not. If not, why waste time with him? This may seem severe, but it is usually the best course.
In case he does stumble, even once, you will have to decide whether to let him go. If you are sure he doesn’t mean business, there is no doubt you should discharge him. If, on the contrary, you are sure he is doing his utmost, you may wish to give him another chance. But you should feel under no obligation to keep him on, for your obligation has been well discharged already.
The absoluteness of the programme—internally and externally
Will he take every necessary step, submit to anything to get well, to stop drinking forever?
After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action.
… he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business.
Being on a radically different basis of life, he will never take advantage of the situation.
The role of physical recovery
For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even imperative. The matter of physical treatment should, of course, be referred to your own doctor. Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol. In competent hands, this seldom takes long nor is it very expensive. Your man will fare better if placed in such physical condition that he can think straight and no longer craves liquor.
The recovering alcoholic is an adult who is responsible for themselves
If you propose such a procedure to him, it may be necessary to advance the cost of treatment, but we believe it should be made plain that any expense will later be deducted from his pay. It is better for him to feel fully responsible.
When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself.
The hopeless are the most amenable
If the book is read the moment the patient is able, while acutely depressed, realization of his condition may come to him.
Not all alcoholics are troubled by the same things
The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear.
When push comes to shove, recovery comes first
He may wish to do a lot for other alcoholics and something of the sort may come up during business hours. A reasonable amount of latitude will be helpful. This work is necessary to maintain his sobriety.
Technical footnote
I well remember the shock I received when a prominent doctor in Chicago told me of cases where pressure of the spinal fluid actually ruptured the brain. No wonder an alcoholic is strangely irrational. Who wouldn’t be, with such a fevered brain?
This is partly accurate. Excessive drinking does cause increased volumes of cerebrospinal fluid, weakens the blood–brain barrier (which can rupture), which, in turn can cause something called vasogenic oedema, and another mechanism causes cytogenic oedema. These produce fatal structural failure.
This is an acute and fatal clinical condition, not an explanation for irrationality.
One reference:
“For centuries, the effect of alcohol and the brain remained poorly understood including a number of significant misunderstandings. Death from cerebral edema (the so-called alcoholic “wet” brain) was considered a clinical entity and resulted in therapies such as dehydration and CSF diversion through lumbar punctures […]. It took some time for textbooks to catch up and recommend the exact opposite (i.e., to provide hydration).”
Wijdicks EFM. The Discovery of Acute Alcohol Withdrawal as a Cause of Delirium. Neurocrit Care. 2022 Dec; 37(3):806-809
Chapter 11
The passages below are not supplied with page numbers, but they are in the order in which they appear in the chapter.
Don’t attribute continued drinking to the mental condition that accompanies the compulsion: phase 1: release from care boredom and worry; phase 2: attempt to recapture the great moments of the past; phase 3: resignation to commiseration with co-sufferers; phase 4: the four horsemen
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt—and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did—then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
An apparent contradiction with Bill, the certain American businessman, the man of thirty, Jim, and Fred: according to those stories, happiness and unhappiness do not correlate with relapse, and unhappiness is not the reason for relapse, but according to this story, it appears to be the reason given for the relapse. Sloppy writing, not secret messages or complexity. Unhappiness usually accompanies the untreated state, but it is not its defining feature (namely defencelessness against the first drink).
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, “I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time.” As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
Alcohol didn’t do anything special; AA doesn’t do anything special; it merely produces health; alcoholics aren’t special people with special deficits and special needs
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.
We’re not concerned with ‘how’; we’re concerned with ‘that’
How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!
The anatomy of relapse: (1) desire (2) rationalisation (3) recognition (4) revulsion (5) recoiling (6) realisation (7) action (8) restoration of sanity (9) gratitude to God
Bitterly discouraged, he found himself in a strange place, discredited and almost broke. Still physically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. He wanted so much to talk with someone, but whom? One dismal afternoon he paced a hotel lobby wondering how his bill was to be paid. At one end of the room stood a glass covered directory of local churches. Down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar. He could see the gay crowd inside. In there he would find companionship and release. Unless he took some drinks, he might not have the courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a lonely weekend. Of course he couldn’t drink, but why not sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger ale before him? After all, had he not been sober six months now? Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks—no more! Fear gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was the old, insidious insanity—that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked down the lobby to the church directory. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from the bar. But what about his responsibilities—his family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah—yes, those other alcoholics? There must be many such in this town. He would phone a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God.
Doctor Bob’s story: recognition of hopelessness + going to any lengths = success
He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out, for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic. When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. He told how he lived in constant worry about those who might find out about his alcoholism. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business, only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his livelihood? He would do anything, he said, but that. Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. Some time later, and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. For him, this was the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. As we shall see, he now means a great deal to his community, and the major liabilities of thirty years of hard drinking have been repaired in four.
Spiritual activity = helping others
Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital. They explained their need and inquired if she had a first-class alcoholic prospect.
We have hope for the hopeless not the hopeful
Here was a prospect all right but, by the description, none too promising. The use of spiritual principles in such cases was not so well understood as it is now.
If they’re alcoholic, they’ll get it straight away
For an hour, the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and over, he would say: “That’s me. That’s me. I drink like that.”
The problem is not being no one: it’s being someone
“Yes, that’s me,” said the sick man, “the very image. You fellows know your stuff all right, but I don’t see what good it’ll do. You fellows are somebody. I was once, but I’m a nobody now. From what you tell me, I know more than ever I can’t stop.” At this both the visitors burst into a laugh. Said the future Fellow Anonymous: “Damn little to laugh about that I can see.”
Surrender brings protection and relief
On the third day the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary. His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she thought she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to have a spiritual experience.
Necessity yields to enthusiasm
These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others.
The desire to carry the message: the sign of an authentic spiritual experience
Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone’s home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer.
The principles of successful fellowship
The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.
AA’s not open to the ill-intentioned
No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially—if he means business.
Hurt feelings? You’re having a laugh!
Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies—these are laughed out of countenance.
Transcendence of materialism
Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them. How could they?
In principle, meetings and sponsorship are not really necessary (though in practice they are)
And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that.” But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor.
The job of public information
… there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover—if he can and will.
God is the real sponsor
… God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.
The gates of knowledge do not stop at page 164
We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.
The extra element of Step Eleven
Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.
Don’t use the following line as an excuse to postpone starting to help others
But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.