All quotations are from Chapter 7. You'll have to find the page numbers yourself, but the sections are arranged in the order that the first element of each section appears in the chapter. Some sections collate quotations on a topic from throughout the chapter.
The solution to addiction and anonism is sponsoring others
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. … But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Remember what you're dealing with: they're really ill
Remember they are very ill. … They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person. … But urge upon a man’s family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly.
A general approach for all activities
So cooperate; never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim.
The initial stages of Step Twelve: tailored to the person
When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. … Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned. … If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed.
Don't pick unripe fruit
If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. ... If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. … We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.
Only depressed and hopeless people will listen
Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. … Call on him while he is still jittery. He may be more receptive when depressed. … The more hopeless he feels, the better. He will be more likely to follow your suggestions.
Leave them alone: let them come to you
If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. But urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters. … Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off … He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.
Conviction through identification
Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. … If he is not communicative, give him a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit. … Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match your mental inconsistencies with some of his own. … Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. … Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focussed mainly on your personal experience.
Talk about the solution only once they're sold on the problem
… he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely.
God: some freedom, but there are constraints
… make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.
This is not a selfish programme
To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. … Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own.
No special relationships: sponsorship paid on not back
Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.
Don't make it personal; insouciance; almost indifferent
You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. … simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you.
Try again, try again, try again
Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer.
Sponsorship = practical advice
… he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.
Offer the programme to the family if they're interested (they won't be)
Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better chance that the head of the family will recover. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable.
If they want anything other than sponsorship: jog on
For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is needed or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not. It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense.
Footnote: I don't help sponsees materially. They can help themselves. I will help them help themselves.
God first, everything else second
Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. … Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This just isn’t so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God.
The entire formula for a happy household
Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague. … provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.
Self-reliance is dumb; God-reliance is smart
When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!
You can't avoid drink, so don't, but don't tempt fate
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. … You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, “Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?” If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good.
Giving not getting: the guiding principle
Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. … If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically.
Leave everyone be; leave the world be
Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!